My grandmother was great, god bless her. She had a couple of strokes, had a hard time getting around and lived with my folks. I remember being in college and she was 84 years old. She had "The Life" when it came to food. I mean her food pyramid wasn't a pyramid it was like a straight line. I guess when you're mid eighties people feel so sorry for you that you get whatever you want. I came home one weekend from college, sat down at the kitchen table for breakfast, and she was eating a Snickers and pixie stix. I think for lunch she had a milkshake and a Twix. My parents were just glad she was eating. Of course, my nieces and nephews were all jealous. They were forced to eat brussel sprouts and broccoli at dinner while ole g'ma is dipping her sugar stick in the Fun Dip pack.

Whenever I used to go downtown with my grandma when I was younger she used to always say, "there is so much hustle and bustle in the city." Yeah there is a lot of hustling, but what the hell is bustling?

How many of you have been to Mardi Gras? (Show by applause) What a freaking good party. Every year, they show footage on tv and the girls show more and more of their body for beads. Girls today are basically naked or in a thong. 20 years ago they showed their boobs. What was it like in the 1920'? I can see guys screaming, "COME ON, SHOW ME YOUR ANKLES!" A woman would and then get like 2 beads. Next thing you know some drunk guy is getting a little more risque, "HEY SHOW ME YOUR CALVES!" Girls Gone Wild didn't sell quite as many copies back then as they do today.

I have finally figured out the best way to stop criminals. Its actually quite easy. I mean have you ever seen the mugshots of the people who get arrested for methamphamines or child pornography? What we should do is make everybody inthe United States take a mugshot. Then by simply looking at the pictures you can tell who is guilty of something.

I was shopping at Target today with my wife. I was slowly making my way down the aisle, and then rounded the end of the aisle and ran right into a Middle Eastern woman with so much covering all I could see was her eyes. I screamed like a sissy girl because I thought I was about to be robbed by the reverse Zorro.

Let me tell you one way NOT to dress when going shopping at Target...khaki pants and a red polo. I was in the electronics section looking at cameras and an older woman came up to me and asked if I knew where the batteries were at and I said, " Uh, yeah........ I think they are over there," and pointed. Not until three or four other people asked me questions did I realize they all thought I was an employee.

If you ever want to see the ugliest face a woman can possibly make, tell them they have a stain on the chest of their shirt. Then they look down and give you that super attractive triple chin look, with their eyes about to pop out of their sockets. Man thats hot.

Daily thoughts...

In the 1960's, when a minor league ball player would come up for a short stint in the major leagues people would say that he came up for a "cup of coffee." Now when a minor leaguer comes up, I guess they say he came up for a "grande nonfat no-whip double shot shot caramel macchiato."

I always hear people older people talk about today's technology and how amazing it is with the cell phones that take pictures, and ipods with 10,000 songs. They always use the same phrase, "well thats just the best thing since sliced bread." Well, since sliced bread was invented in the 1920's what did they say before that? I mean when Henry Ford pushed the Model T onto America, did people say, "well thats just the best thing since the abacus?"

January 21, 2006

Tied against Centennial with seconds to play, senior Avery Jukes got fouled and converted on 1 of 2 freethrows to give us the lead 59-58. Centennial's shot as the buzzer failed and we moved to 10-8 on the season.

Friday January 20, 2006

Tonight we played a home game versus Meadowcreek. We had beaten them 8 straight times over the past 3+ years. We had beaten them earlier in the season at their place, and now they were ready for redemption.
It didn't help that their junior phenom Chris Allen, had 2 days prior just given a verbal commitment to Michigan State. All of the crowds attention was on him.
The game started out in a frenzy as both teams got up and down the court like a summer AAU game, however this is not to our advantage since we only play 5 or 6 players. In the end, Chris Allen would pace the Meadowcreek attack with 27 points, as they rolled 82-70. This puts us at 9-7 (5-5).